Are you aware of abuse? Are you unknowingly being abused? Are you deliberately being used because you want to protect your family? We will discuss the solutions to all these in this article.
Let us first consider domestic abuse. Here any pattern of behaviors used to gain, maintain or control power over one’s spouse can be considered abuse.
Abuse is mainly done physically and emotionally. Physical abuse means harming or trying to injure a partner by hitting, kicking, burning, grabbing, shoving, slapping, hair-pulling, biting, denying medical care, forcing alcohol or drug use, or using other physical force. Emotional abuse covers threatening a person’s sense of self-worth through constant criticism, belittling one’s abilities, verbal abuse, damaging a partner’s relationship or not letting a partner see friends and family.
Impact of Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse, meanwhile, is so severe that it cannot be easily identified. This emotional abuse is happening in many relationships, knowingly or unknowingly. Although we can see the injury damage of something that happens physically, we do not see any such thing at once in this emotional abuse. Emotional abuse destroys the victim’s self-esteem and, by herself, begins to doubt cognition and reality. She may also feel that she is stuck. However, she is afraid to leave that relationship. So this emotional abuse may be recurring like a cycle.
When a person is emotionally abused, the victim suffers from various illnesses, both short-term and long-term.
In Short-term, confusion, fear, hopelessness, and shame. In addition, emotional abuse can cause short-term behavioral and physical side effects such as difficulty concentrating, moodiness, muscle tension, nightmares, racing heartbeat, various aches and pains.
Studies have shown that long-term abuse results in low self-esteem and depression. In addition, long-term victims may experience anxiety, chronic pain, guilt, insomnia, social withdrawal, loneliness, chronic fatigue syndrome, and fibromyalgia.
How do you identify
How do you identify if you are being emotionally abused in your relationship? It can happen in several ways.
- Unrealistic expectations
That is, the abuser has unrealistic expectations of the victim.
The following are examples of such behaviors.
- No matter how difficult you attempt, you will never be satisfied no matter how much you give.
- Unfair/unreasonable requests from you
- Prioritize and spend time meeting their needs aside from other tasks.
- Criticize you relentlessly if you do your best but do not live up to their standards.
- Reluctance to hold a different opinion than theirs. That is, you do not want to be independent.
- Asking for specific dates and times when a previous dispute or injustice has occurred and behaving as if it did not happen when it could not be disclosed.
- Thinking and behaving superiorly
What is being done here is to show that they behave better than you. Examples of the actions they use are:
– Doubt everything you say and try to prove you wrong
– Constantly treat yourself as low.
– Introduce yourself as someone who knows nothing and can not recognize the right things.
– Disrespect for your ideas and thoughts and dismiss them as very stupid, meaningless things.
– Alleging that everything you do is flawed and flawed.
- Emotional Blackmail
Here is what happens:
It is to manipulate yourself by making you feel some guilt about yourself.
-You are insulted in front of other people.
-Use your weaknesses, such as your fears and feelings, to control yourself.
-Repeatedly blame your previous mistakes.
-Do not talk about their mistakes and destructive behaviors
-To point out that what you did was wrong by not loving or talking and motivating you to apologize for it.
- Confusion
– Always dealing with impulse.
– Let yourself to confuse by saying things that are contradictory to you.
– Unexpected impulsive behavior
– To confuse you by arguing in vain.
– Keeping a close eye on your work to find your fault.
- Controlling and isolating
– Criticizing your family as well as friends
– Minimizing the amount of time you spend with family and friends.
– Checking everything you talk about and text messages.
– Alleging that you are behaving fraudulently in relationships
– Controlling your money
If you think your partner has some or all of the above behaviors, understand that you may be experiencing emotional abused. However, remember that your partner’s behaviors should not be taken lightly because it can motivate them to harm us. Here, you have to keep in mind that all human beings have a human right to live with dignity and respect.
How to cope successfully
If your relationship is also abusive, in line with the above, it should be understood immediately. This is because, in the long period, this can lead you to mental illnesses.
So, first of all, if you are being abused, accept it and strengthen yourself to get rid of it. Although this may appear like a daunting task, by accomplishing it somehow, you will be able to enjoy your freedom to think and act as an independent person. So try these tricks.
Stop blaming yourself.
There may be many times when you blame yourself due to emotionally abusing yourself for a long time. Stop this immediately. If something is behind your control, do not criticize yourself anymore if you have done the best you can. Rather, think of these as actions that you cannot control.
Imagine that you can not fix everything.
No matter how difficult you try, you will not change the person who is emotionally abusing you. Because that person always thinks he is right. So by changing yourself the way you suit him, you will never be able to change him by doing what he likes. It makes you a victim of his grip.
Avoid getting involved
To hurt you, do not support a dispute when it starts. By arguing, being correct, and staying in that position, you unknowingly give that person a chance to hurt you. So if possible, leave the place and avoid such situations.
Do not try to apologize for what you did not do.
This is an insult to yourself. Never apologize for mistakes that someone else has made, thinking to stop the person’s behavior or appease him. Instead, exit the place or implement another strategy.
Build boundaries
Maintaining reasonable boundaries is not problematic in any relationship. On the contrary, it helps to protect each other’s dignity and privacy. Therefore, if the other person is verbally abusing or insulting you, take steps to avoid it. Speak firmly. Stand up for yourself.
Make time for yourself.
If you have been trying to please someone for a while and it is useless, do not waste your time doing it again and again. Instead of trying to please that person, make time for yourself. Make time for your happiness. If you have lost yourself for a long time, now is the time to make yourself happy and love yourself. Take the rest you need. Have a good meal. Go for a walk outdoors. Sing songs. Gather positive thoughts. It will help you a lot in your day-to-day activities.
Build a support network around you.
One of the desires of the person who insults you is to isolate you. However, you have to be tactful not to fall into that trap. Build as many support groups around you as possible. Spend more time with your network than you spend with the person who is harassing you. It will be a great comfort to you.
You will tell them about the difficulties you are going through and get help and ideas from them. It will give you the strength to move forward.
Giving up the relationship
That is, abandoning it rather than living in a futile relationship. Getting rid of emotional abuse is comforting you as well as liberating yourself. However, often, this can be a difficult decision. Also, this can be very difficult to do if you have been emotionally abused for a long time because the other person has manipulated you that you can not exist without him. Because of this, you may be afraid of this decision. So this decision has to be made with a group of people who love and help you. You have to have an excellent protective plan to take this step. Because at this stage, the abuser may be tempted to act very harshly.
Things you should not do
Sometimes when dealing with an abuser, never argue with them. It can make the condition worse and even physically abusive. Moreover, never start doing things like attacking in anger. Avoid doing things that are pleasing to them, such as apologizing to keep them happy. This can cause you to become more vulnerable to be abused more in the long run.
By Turby
Reference:
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/effects-of-emotional-abuse#find-a-professional
https://www.northpointrecovery.com/blog/let-the-healing-begin-11-tips-to-overcoming-emotional-abuse/
https://psychcentral.com/lib/mistakes-to-never-make-with-an-abuser
https://www.brides.com/signs-of-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship-5112027