One of the very first conversations my husband and I had when I became pregnant for the first time was super morbid and dark. However, it was also very necessary. Things can go wrong during a delivery and in the absolute worst cases, extremely difficult choices may need to be made — like choosing between the life of a mom or her unborn child.
While some couples may find that decision to be difficult, for myself and my husband, we both agreed that I would be the one who would take priority if the doctors needed to get to work to save someone.
Anabel Morales — who shares this sentiment — is going viral for a video she posted to TikTok, stating that she would want her husband to pick her over their baby to save if complications arose during childbirth.
In the TikTok, which has over 6.6 million views, she states that the reason is because she doesn’t want her current son to grow up without a mom and leave her husband, grieving the loss of her, to pick up the pieces and raise her kids alone.
“To my husband,” she writes over the video of footage from the delivery room. “If I’m giving birth, and the doctor says you need to pick between me or the baby. Please save me. I don’t want Ethan to grow up without a mom, & I don’t want you to have to raise two babies alone while also grieving you wife.”
The video gained over 500k likes and thousands of comments from other moms who agreed with Morales and wanted their partners to make the same choice.
One user shared that her husband was on board. “I asked my husband this yesterday and he said “I’ll save you. We can have another baby, but I can’t get another you” ? not the answer I expected ???,” they wrote.
Several moms commented that their perspective on this difficult choice changed once they had their first child.
“As a mom of 3 and pregnant with #4 I would get bothered when my hubby would say he would chose me but now I see why my babies need me too ?,” one mom commented.
Another echoed, “I used to say save the baby not me. Now that I have a daughter I think so differently!!”
Another very interesting take came from a commenter who says her friend was “picked” during one of those horrific “mom or baby” scenarios and said it’s been one of the worst burdens of her life.
“My friend was picked and she once told me ‘no one thought about the burden I would carry knowing my mom died cuz of me I can’t even celebrate my bday,’” they wrote.
While many agreed with Morales’ choice, several other TikTok users voiced differing opinions, stating that they would choose to save the life of the child.
“Choose our child before me….Every time …. I’ve lived my life their life has just begun,” one user wrote.
Another user replied, “A child isn’t a dog you can’t just get another one… I would sacrifice for any of my children! and they eventually would understand…”
Mothers in the U.S. — and all over the world — continue to face significant risks during pregnancy and childbirth. The United States has one of the highest rates of maternal mortality among high-income countries.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about 700 U.S. women die each year as a result of pregnancy or delivery complications. From 1991 to 2020, the U.S. maternal mortality rate more than doubled, jumping from 10.3 deaths per 100,000 live births to 23.8 deaths per 100,000 live births.
Women of color especially affected by rising maternal mortality rates. Black women in the U.S. are, on average, four times more likely to die in childbirth than white women.
Carefully considering the risks involved with being pregnant and giving birth is not selfish. It’s actually quite the opposite. This mom’s wish to create a plan with her husband is the responsible, right thing to do for herself and her family, even if it seems dark.