Gender disappointment is a real thing. But how you process your feelings is something that should you definitely have control over. On TikTok, one mom shared videos of her gender reveal party and admitted that her former partner’s reaction to finding out they were having a daughter was a real red flag for their entire relationship.
TikTok user @bunnilicious (AKA Bunni) shared a two-part video of her ex’s reaction to having a girl, and it wasn’t good.
In the first part, we see the big moment when the dad-to-be pops off the gender reveal cannon — followed by his full-body look of disappointment as he turns to walk out of the frame.
On the screen, Bunni writes, “Girl you deserve better,” followed by “Yeah I know.”
In the second video, we see the same scene, followed by Bunni’s reaction of joy as she hugs her mom. Again, her partner is off screen, and it’s clear he isn’t celebrating.
“Looking back on these videos the universe sent me a CLEAR message,” Bunni captions the second video.
Gender disappointment can be experienced by dads and moms alike, especially when you’re having your first or your last (planned) baby. And it’s completely possible to love your baby, love your partner, and love your family and still feel sad that you won’t be having a little boy or a little girl.
But it’s another thing to project your disappointment onto a whole gender reveal party, and to take joy away from others around you. Maybe it’s better not to have a party at all if you think you may get upset in front of friends and family.
People had a lot to say about the videos, which together have collected about 20 million views.
Many agreed with Bunni, who thinks that her partner’s behavior at the party was a sign that they were not a good match.
“I’ll never understand how anyone could be upset by this,” one dad said. “People would ask me ‘what do you want it to be?’ I’d reply ‘healthy.’”
“We really need to talk more about how men react SO differently when they see they’re going to have a daughter vs. son,” another said.
“Divorce. expeditiously. break up,” another said, not realizing that that had definitely already happened.
“That’s not a red flag that’s a stop sign with blinking lights,” another said.
“Dads really forget that just bc it’s a girl doesn’t mean they can’t do the things with them they would’ve done with a boy,” one person chimed in.
“My dad had two girls and raised them exactly how he would’ve raised a son because it DOES. NOT. MATTER.”
“Misogyny starts before we’re even born,” one person pointed out.
Others, though, could identify with his reaction, too.
“Gender disappointment is real. And it’s hard. On both parents,” one person wrote.
A few people really got it right:
“Not all gender disappointments are red flags, but seeing that he immediately just walked away and didn’t even hug you,” one person wrote. “You deserve better.”
“I understand being disappointed but him walking away from you and your joy? His loss,” another said.